A clear matrescence definition, and what it means to become a mother

The baby is finally asleep, and you're standing in the shower trying to remember what you used to do on a Saturday. You love this little person completely. You also feel like a stranger to yourself. If you'd like support, we offer postpartum and perinatal therapy in Kitchener-Waterloo, in person or online anywhere in Ontario.

This article explains what matrescence means, where the word comes from, why it's compared to the teenage years, and what can help while you find your feet.

What is matrescence?

What is matrescence, in plain words? It's the name for everything that changes when a woman becomes a mother. That includes physical changes during pregnancy and after, emotional changes and a deep psychological reshaping of who you are.

Becoming a mother is often treated as a single moment, the day you give birth. In reality, matrescence describes something slower: a whole stage of life, with its own growing pains.

A simple definition, and where the word comes from

The word was coined in the 1970s by a medical anthropologist who noticed that cultures mark many life stages, but rarely the one a woman goes through as she becomes a mother. Decades later, another anthropologist brought it back into use, and it has spread quickly among mothers.

At its heart, matrescence is a developmental transition. It isn't a disorder and it isn't something to fix. It simply gives a name to an experience almost every mother has lived without words for it.

Why matrescence is compared to adolescence

The most common comparison is with adolescence. In both, your physical self changes, your brain adapts, your relationships shift and your identity is up for grabs, all at the same time.

Adolescence can feel awkward, intense and confusing, and so can matrescence. Both are a significant transformation, and both take time. Nobody expects a teenager to settle into adulthood in a few weeks, and nobody should expect a new mom to either.

When does matrescence begin, and does it end?

When does matrescence begin? For some, it starts during pregnancy. For others, it begins before pregnancy, while trying to conceive, during adoption or only after the birth. The first three months are often the most intense stretch, and we look at those weeks in our article on the fourth trimester.

The postpartum period is only the start. There's no fixed end point: many say matrescence unfolds over years, and it can return with each new child or new stage of family life.

What matrescence can feel like

You might notice that you feel two things at once. Love and loss. Joy and grief for the life you had. That ambivalence is a normal part of matrescence, even if nobody talks about it. Here are some of the changes a new mom often describes:

• feeling unsure of your identity outside of motherhood
• missing your freedom, while loving your child
• seeing your own mother differently
• wanting time alone and feeling guilty for it

Your body and brain

Pregnancy and childbirth change your body in ways that take time to feel familiar. Your brain adapts too, becoming more tuned to your baby. Shifting postpartum hormones play a part, and they affect mood and energy for months.

Your emotions

Emotional swings are common: tears, tenderness and frustration can all arrive in the same hour. A woman can feel overwhelmed, then quietly proud. Both are part of the experience.

Your identity and sense of self

This is often the heart of matrescence: the identity shift from who you were to who you're becoming. Your work, your interests and your sense of self may all feel different. Some parts of your identity fade for a while, and some grow stronger. The perfect mother image can make this harder, setting expectations no real mother can meet.

Your partner, family and friends

Your relationship with your partner may change as you both adjust to parenting. Friendships can drift, and isolation can creep in.

Your time and daily life

In matrescence, your time no longer feels like your own. Even a short walk takes planning.

Matrescence or postpartum depression?

Matrescence is a normal transition. Postpartum depression is different: it's a mental health concern that tends to settle in and stay. Talk to someone if, alongside matrescence, you notice:

• low mood most days for more than two weeks
• anxiety that keeps you on edge
• losing interest in things you usually enjoy
• feeling hopeless, numb or disconnected from your baby

Your mental health matters as much as your child's care, and support is there. You don't need to wait until things feel unbearable.

The transition to motherhood for every kind of mother

Matrescence isn't only for birth mothers. An adoptive mother, a mother through surrogacy or a non-birthing mother in a two-mom family can go through it too. So can a woman becoming a mom for the second or third time, because each child brings a new version of motherhood.

Each transition to motherhood is different. Some moms feel the shift right away; others notice it months later.

Understanding matrescence in your own life

Understanding matrescence won't make the transition easy overnight, but it can change how you treat yourself on the hard days. This often shows up as a quiet relief: "I'm not failing. I'm changing."

Name what's changing

Write it down. List what feels different in your health, your days and your relationships.

Notice what you miss. Missing your old life is allowed. It doesn't mean you regret your child.

Notice what's new. Look for the strengths you didn't have before.

Make room for grief and joy

You don't have to choose one feeling about motherhood. Let your mental health include room for sadness about what has changed and pleasure in what has arrived. Give yourself time and support.

Find your village

No mom was meant to do this alone, and everyone needs a village. Lean on family and friends where you can, and look for support in a few places:

• a local postpartum group or drop-in
• online groups for new mothers
• friends who started parenting recently

With other mothers

Talking with other mothers who are in the same stage can be a huge support.

With professional support

Sometimes you need a space for your own mental health. That's where counselling can help.

How therapy can help

In therapy, we can help you make sense of the changes in your identity, your relationships and your mental health. We can talk through:

• the sadness about what's changed
• the pressure you carry
• what kind of mother you want to be

Sessions are in person or online, and you can start during pregnancy or at any time after.

Our next article on postpartum hormones looks at how hormone changes after birth affect mood, energy and support needs.